


Would it have mattered to anyone but you?

by TheMonster



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Dark Thoughts, Fluff, I can't help writing angst, Langst, M/M, Post Season 6, Season 6 Spoilers, death mention, it's what i live for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 19:31:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15541404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMonster/pseuds/TheMonster
Summary: This was the first time in days they could actually relax and Keith had been waiting two years for this hug. He almost believed that he wouldn't get the chance to, after what he had seen in the quantum abyss.In which Keith struggles with words and Lance struggles with his self-worth.





	Would it have mattered to anyone but you?

It felt weird for Keith to stand outside of Red again. Even if he hadn't been stranded in space for two years, it still had been far too long. Red still recognized him with ease and dropped the particle barrier, letting him in without hesitation. Before he went through the last door to the cockpit, he remembered that he was a guest this time, not a paladin. 

He knocked three times on the door and heard a “come in” from the lion’s occupant, the doors instantly sliding open for him. 

On the floor next to the chair sat Lance, eyes lighting up when he saw who came in. He had stepped out of the armor and was wearing his regular clothes, minus the jacket that was flung over the back of the chair. The rest of the cockpit was littered in supplies and what he guessed where a few things from the castle.

“Didn’t expect to see you here Keith. What’s up?” Lance said as he stood up. “We’re heading out already?” he looked tired, and Keith understood where that came from. They’d barely got any chance to rest since the castle got destroyed and the whole team felt the strain from being constantly in their lions.

“Just wanted to check in on you and tell you that we will stay on this planet for tonight.” Keith said and smiled, stepping a bit further away from the door and closer to Lance. 

“Yeah, I was there at the briefing. Fill up supplies and rest a bit. So that’s it? You didn’t have to come here, you could have just told me over the comms.” Lance said.

“Also this,” Keith took the last step forward and pulled the other boy into a hug. Lance hadn’t seen it coming and stiffened up in surprise. He had been so distracted when he got back he hadn't had time to do anything other than going after Lotor. Then the whole thing with Shiro had happened and then they were just constantly moving around. 

This was the first time in days they could actually relax and Keith had been waiting two years for this hug. He almost believed that he wouldn't get the chance to, after what he had seen in the quantum abyss. 

“I missed you.” he continued and Lance relaxed in his arms, taking the opportunity to wrap his own arms around Keith.

“I actually missed you too, believe it or not. Wow, those two years really made you soft, didn’t they? I mean emotionally of course, not physically. How did you get so buff?” Lance released his grip and backed a bit, hands now squeezing Keith’s arms.

“A side effect when you grow up I guess.” Keith said and chuckled when Lance pouted at him. 

“It’s not fair at all is just what I’m saying. You’ve cheated the system completely.” he was standing right in front of Keith, arms crossed in annoyance, but his face had a playful expression. Keith had missed him a lot. 

“Trust me, you should be glad you don't have to. I was terrified of returning here, I didn't think I would see you again.” Keith said, remembering the dread he had felt the whole time since he saw the vision. 

“Why wouldn't you see me again? You thought I was gonna bail on everyone?” Lance asked sounding a little hurt. 

“Not really it's just… when I was away, I mean while I was away, I was shown things. Things that had happened before, but also things that might happen.”

“... On the space whale?” 

“Yes, on the space whale but it was the quantum abyss that gave me these visions.”

“So you saw me leave the team in one of these visions and you actually believed I would? I kind of take offense on that.” his smile had disappeared now and he started to look a little bit annoyed. 

“No that's not what I saw.” he might have gotten older but he would still struggle with words. Lance seemed to pick up on it and kept pressing.

“Then what did you see?” he asked, annoyance replaced with some weariness.

“I saw you die Lance. Right here, inside Red. In one moment I saw you fighting, the next you get hit and then you just lay there. Gone.” it had been awful the first time he had seen it, but he had brushed it off. Until he saw it again and again. Most visions he had only seen once, but this one had been insistent and a nagging feeling had told him that it could only mean that it would happen. 

He had expected Lance to laugh at him, saying that he was worrying for nothing, that nothing could kill him. But the other boy was so quiet, that Keith had to look up to make sure he was still there. Lance had gone pale and was looking down at his hands, fiddling with them.

The air between them suddenly felt heavy.

“Well, at least you don't have to worry about it anymore.” he looked almost ashamed and refused to look at Keith. A sense of dread filled him and he tried to collect all of his thoughts.

“What do you mean Lance?” a pause when he didn't get an answer. ”Did you die?” Keith went cold and looked at the other boy who just shrugged his shoulders. “Are you fucking serious Lance?” 

“I was hit by a ray, I blacked out for a while, or so I thought, but apparently I died. When I came to I saw Allura, saying that she thought I was gone forever. She must have worked some magic or something, because I felt- I mean, I feel fine. So it's no big deal.” he still wouldn't look up from his hands and Keith was shocked at the indifference in his voice. 

So one of his worst fears had actually came true, but no one had told him that Lance had actually been dead. He was starting to get angry, not only at Lance's nonchalance but at his other teammates, who seemed to not acknowledge it at all. 

“Why wasn't I told of this? I've been back for a few days now but no one has bothered to bring it up? Not even Allura herself?” Didn’t they care? Had no one else known about it except for Lance and her?

“Look, it's no big deal.” Lance finally looked up from his hands, crossing his arms in front of him. 

“No big deal? Lance, you're telling me that you literally died out there while I was gone, and you're telling me it's no big deal?” he had raised his voice a bit, frustrated that Lance didn’t seem to care.

“Since I'm standing in front of you I obviously didn't die.” he said with a glare. 

“Lance-” Keith started, but he didn’t really know what to say. His expression must have said otherwise, because Lance was quick to speak. 

“Don't look at me like it could have been the end of the world. You could easily pilot the Red Lion again now that Shiro is back. You wouldn't even have to search for a new paladin.” there was no hint of hesitation in his words and Keith was taken aback by how sure of it Lance sounded. He must really believe that he could disappear and no one would bat an eye.

“How can you even say that? How can you not care if you die?” Keith couldn’t understand it. There might have been a time when he was fine with dying himself, but the two years spent away from the team had made him realize how stupid and selfish he had been in those moments.

“I kind of do care, I mean everything would end, but we all know I'm replaceable.” Lance shrugged, now just looking tired from the conversation.

“What? We've already been over this Lance, you're not replaceable. No one in this team is, least of all you.” what had happened while he was away, that made Lance doubt himself again?

“Look, we're in the middle of a war, we're all soldiers and in wars soldiers may need to be sacrificed. It's always been like that.” Lance turned his back at him, refusing to meet Keith’s eyes and Keith was starting to lose his composure. He needed Lance to realize the depth of his words.

“So you're saying everyone on this team can be sacrificed for the greater good, is that it? So if Pidge, Hunk or Allura had died, it wouldn't have mattered? If we hadn't been able to save Shiro, it would just be whatever? That if I hadn't returned it would have been fine because it was for the greater good?” Keith snapped at him.

Lance whipped his head around, a horrified look on his face, all color drained and eyes wide. 

“Of course not! That's not the same thing at all!” Lance yelled at him, voice quivering and no real heat behind his words. 

“It's the exact same thing Lance! “Keith yelled back and took a step closer. None of them said anything for a while, Keith hoping Lance would tell him he was right, that he hadn't thought of it like that before or something. When nothing came from the other boy’s mouth, Keith knew he needed to convince him. 

“Lance, you can't say it's for the greater good of it only applies to you. You can’t tell me you don’t matter.” he took a step closer “You are not replaceable. Not to anyone.” He was right in front of Lance, who had to look up a bit to meet his gaze. His heart ached when he saw his blue eyes with tears in the corner, threatening to spill out. He just wanted to hug him, tell him it would be alright.

His body moved as if on autopilot, right hand settling on his back and left resting on the other boy’s cheek and then he leant in, lips softly meeting lips. Somewhere along the line his eyes had closed and he felt the other boy tensing up, making him realize what he was doing. He quickly took a step back, as if he had been burned.

“Quiznak- Lance, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too-” he was suddenly tackled, keeping himself upright by sheer luck as arms wrapped around his neck and-

Lance’s lips pressed against his.

When the initial surprise was gone, Keith wrapped his arms around the other boy, closing his eyes and leaning in to the kiss. He had been so afraid of never seeing Lance again, even more so now after their conversation. But maybe he had managed to convince him, that he wouldn’t be able to make it without him. Just maybe, Lance might feel for him like he felt for the other.

Lance pulled away from the kiss, not looking as sad as before, more puzzled. The corners of his eyes were still watery. Keith wanted to wipe away the unshed tears, but he didn’t dare to move. He didn’t want to ruin this odd but somewhat tense moment, if that would break whatever this was. He didn’t want to risk it.

Lance’s arms loosened their grip, but not releasing it. Keith wanted to ask what was on his mind. Wanted to ask him if he knew how much he meant to him.

He wanted to kiss him again so badly.

“Why did you kiss me?” Lance asked in a whisper, he must also have felt the tension in the air and Keith hoped that he wouldn’t fuck up this moment with his answer. All those hours spent thinking about the castle and the lions and the paladins, and always ending up thinking about Lance. His smile, his awful sense of humor, his laugh, his doubts and his need to help others. 

Keith didn’t have any doubts that he cared for the other, even before the quantum abyss, but what was the phrasing? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? He wanted to say everything he had practiced in his head a thousand times, thinking of their reunion. The things he had practiced saying in case he wasn’t ready to take the leap when he saw him, and what to say if he did.

The situation and question was so unique from his practice scenario, he was almost at loss of words.

“I was afraid I would never have the chance.” it was hard to form words from his jumbled mind, and Lance’s arms still hadn’t let go of him, still standing so close he could feel his breathe on his skin, so close he could just tip his head forward, steal a quick peck if he fucked this up- but he stood rigid, not daring to move a muscle.

“I said I missed you and I meant it. So much you can’t even imagine-” he nearly brought up the vision again, but stopped himself. Bringing that up now would definitely not end well. He needed to change the subject, if only to gather his own thoughts, 

“Why did you kiss me?” he countered, and couldn’t help but smile when he caught Lance off-guard, his cheeks turning red.

“I don’t know, I’ve thought about it for a while now, before you even went away, but I never expected you to make the first move. I said to myself I wouldn’t do anything unless you did first.” Lance said.

“So you never thought I would kiss you? So you would never kiss me?” Keith wasn’t sure if that even made sense.

“When you say it like that it sounds awful. But yes, since I would never dare to make the first move, I was just hoping you would eventually, but I never expected you to. Is that weird?” he looked a little embarrassed.

“I guess it’s a little weird, if I managed to follow the conversation correctly. But I don’t think I would have dared if I hadn’t been away for two years.” even though that had meant isolation from the rest of the world, he definitely had changed from the experience.

“Huh. Guess I didn’t count on you growing up. It’s still weird to think that it was only weeks for me but so long time for you. You got a lot of time to think things through on the space whale, didn’t you?” a sadness passed briefly in the other boys expression.

“Don’t worry about it, in the end it was worth it. We stopped Lotor.” Lance nodded at him, a small smile on his face. The other boy still hadn’t released his grip around Keith’s neck and Keith took that as a very good sign.

“It also allowed me to do this.” he said as he leaned down, Lance quick to meet him halfway and it still felt surreal when their lips met. Again and again.

Keith didn’t ever want to stop, but when Lance pulled away he let him.

“Sorry, it’s just- it’s great and all, but I’m actually exhausted. When you came in I was on my way to sleep, so-” he still looked tired and Keith felt kind of bad all of a sudden.

“Oh, I understand. We’re all pretty beat. I’ll just- I’ll go back to the Black Lion.” he didn’t want to. It didn’t feel right to leave Lance after the conversation they’d have, but at the same time he had no right to stay. He released his own grip around the boy and backed away, only to find that Lance had a firm grip around his wrist. 

“You don’t need to, if you don’t want to. It would be nice if we could just- talk some more, if you don’t mind me falling asleep after a while. I don’t really want to be alone right now. Because then my thoughts will wander and I will think this was all a dream.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I will stay for as long as you’ll let me.” Keith quickly answered and smiled at Lance, who smiled back at him.

“We’ll see if I ever let you leave, you might be stuck with me for a while now.” Lance said and gave him a chaste kiss.

“Forever I hope.” Keith said with a grin.

**Author's Note:**

> Un-edited, un-beta'd and absolutely uncalled for. I've just so many feels for Lance season 6 and I'm terrified of what they will do in season 7, so I needed a fix-it for myself before shit hits the fan.


End file.
